I just recently stumbled upon a pretty detailed article on things to avoid in regards to body language.  Marc over at marcandangel.com compiled a list of 25 things you should be aware of; I’m going to offer some additional insight on several of his items.  At any rate, here is his article: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid. I suggest you read this article before proceeding.

While I completely agree with most of what Marc explains in his article, I feel it is necessary to point out that you can’t base any definitive conclusion off a single body language signal.  This is highly important.  We give off so many non-verbal cues in everything we do, and each of the cues on the list can typically be cast in the light in which Marc explains it.  However, you absolutely should be taking every other circumstance into consideration before making any kind of conclusions as to what someone’s true, underlying intentions or state are.

Allow me to elaborate.

Holding Objects in Front of Your Body – How are they holding the object?  Do they do this consistently, or do is this just a temporary placement?  Are they warming their hands on their cup of coffee?  Are they otherwise displaying signs of confidence and openness, such as head held high, maintaining eye contact, shoulders pulled back?

Standing Too Close – People are only uncomfortable if you dick up your approach.  I don’t suggest you keep a distance like that from everyone who is not a close friend or acquaintance.  Instead, learn to read signs of discomfort so you can adjust yourself.  Conversely, if you recognize signs of interest, this guideline can be thrown out.  The opposite can hold true — if you’re approaching someone who shows signs of interest and you maintain a distance (no touching?), it can be construed as you not having any balls.  I’ll sacrifice risking someone else being uncomfortable and me adjusting my tactics over the other any day.

Resting Hands on the Hips, Crossing Arms – What else are they doing?  Are they relaxed?  Some people cross their arms because it’s comfortable.  Maybe it’s cold outside.  If you’re just standing there watching something and not really engaging in conversation, and as long as it’s clear that you’re otherwise completely confident and approachable, cross your arms.  And again, hands on the hips is sometimes just more comfortable than letting them hang.  Take in other aspects of their demeanor.

Here is a picture of me; this is how I normally cross my arms.  Do I appear resistant, egotistical, frightened, cold?  Or do I appear relaxed and comfortable?

Not Directly Facing the Person You’re Speaking To – Marc is right here, it can signify discomfort of lack of interest.  Sometimes, this is to your advantage, such as when you’re making someone work for your attention (a really hot chick).  In this example, these types of girls are inundated with attention, so let her do the work for a change.  Don’t face her until she’s qualified herself.

The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes, what is normally a negative might be minimal when you look at the big picture.  You have to take everything in when it comes to body language.  While these are excellent guidelines (I completely agree with the rest of Marc’s list), just remember that body language is dynamic and that not to rely on any singular cue.  And if you haven’t read Marc’s article, GO BACK AND READ IT!

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