Breakups happen. Very few people never experience them, so it becomes a simple matter of fact, something we just have to learn to deal with. In nearly all cases, though, one person is not ready for the breakup, and it’s usually the person who gets dumped. And usually this person, naturally, wants to reconcile and get back together.
But is that a good idea?
There are two ways to look at this coin. The truth is that if the breakup is fresh, you are probably not thinking clearly. Before you make any kind of decision about moving on or getting back together, it is absolutely imperative that you utilize your time wisely, to reflect on everything. So if you’ve been calling/emailing/texting/messaging your ex constantly, trying to convince her to take you back, or begging her, you need to STOP that right now. It is not helping your cause.
This is best time to start getting your shit together. It is also the best time to make positive changes, which we’ll get to later.
Another truth is that you can always do better. While you may think she was the best thing of all time, you are probably letting your emotions run the show, and you need this time to step back and see the situation for what it really is, not how you want it to be. There are 3 billion women in the world. Things will be okay.
The next thing I will say is that, while it’s very true that you can move on, improve yourself, and find new women to enjoy spending time with, it is also true that couples get back together all the time, and these couples end up working out. But certain things need to happen first.
Deciding If You Really Want Your Ex Back
Stop here for a second and take a step back. You have tried it with this person before. It didn’t work out. What has changed? Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different results. So, the first question to ask yourself when deciding if you want you ex back again is – are you insane?
Are you expecting to do the same things that you did last time and just have the relationship work this time, or is there something different? Perhaps you have grown and matured – perhaps your ex has. Perhaps a point of conflict such as a friend or job has been removed. But if nothing has changed, and you are expecting the relationship to work differently, then you are probably just kidding yourself.
Make a decision to correct past mistakes and not let these mistakes inflict further damage to your relationship. If your ex makes the same commitment, you’re home free.
If you decide to go for it…
You should do it from a place of power. By that I mean that you should have used the time you had to regain your self-confidence, and done lots of self-improvement (for your sake, not to try to impress her later on). The other thing is, if the reason for the break up had anything to do with you being too needy, insecure, jealous, etc., telling her you have changed is not going to cut it. You have to show her you have changed.
The next thing you need to do is make an effort to do it. I can’t tell you how many people I see that could reunite with their ex, but they cannot commit to it. Make the commitment. Then do it.
Getting Your Ex Back
Assuming you have given it the proper thought and you definitely decide that you do want your ex back, then you need to set about doing it. The first step is opening the lines of communication with them. This is usually easiest to do if you have mutual friends and can go to a few fun events in a group. You need to get comfortable in each others presence again.
The easiest and most effective way of getting her back is to NOT TRY. Think of her as a girl you have never met. How would you get her to feel attracted to you? The fact that you have a history makes this a lot easier, so don’t even bring up the subject of getting back together, don’t talk about the relationship. That makes it awkward and puts too much pressure on her. If you’ve done your job and not talked to her in a while, she’ll be wondering why you haven’t called. When you finally do meet up (for something casual), she’ll be seeing you as a completely new person, a better version of what she had before. And lastly, if you are rocking out with the qualities she finds attractive, she’ll have a much better time. She’ll want to hang out again. The key though, is to treat it like it was brand new.
Don’t stick around too long. Leave her with a good feeling, so she can think about things while you’re gone. Doing this also gives you a chance to test the waters; if she’s not giving off any signs of interest in you, you now know it’s time to move on (and be ready for that). You have time on your side. You’ve already gone this long without her, so waiting a while longer won’t make a difference. If you try to jump back in too fast, it can backfire. Also, when you do get back together, if that turns out, don’t start where you left off. Back up and take things slowly. Again, time is on your side.
Getting an ex back is actually the easy part, but keeping her afterwards…there’s the rub. If you’re serious about getting her back, you need to check out at least one of these books before you make any critical mistakes that could ruin your chances of reconciliation! I’m telling you now, it is EASY to screw up if you don’t realize what you’re doing. So do yourself a favor and give them a look. I’ve read them and I highly suggest that you read them. The one I recommend most is Ex2 System, by Matt Huston. The other one, which might suit some of you better, is Win Back Love, by Annalyn Caras.
Related posts:
- 6 Reasons You Should Approach Her It's happened to all of us. You see her there...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Not if you’ve had sour experiences with him/her!