Written by Dan Donche
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
There she is. You see her standing there, looking all gorgeous and you start to imagine numerous scenarios involving the two of you. Maybe you’re having sex with her or maybe she’s your new girlfriend or maybe you’re imagining what it would be like to hang out with her.
Then you notice she’s with a guy. Or she’s texting someone. Or she orders two value meals to go.
The first thought that crosses your mind is that she’s taken. She has a boyfriend. That guy she’s with is her crush, she’s texting her boyfriend, or she’s picking up food that she’ll take home for both of them to enjoy. Or there are no “clues” whatsoever and you still assume she’s got a boyfriend right off the bat.
You tell yourself she’s unavailable and that’s that. A few minutes later she’s gone. You talked yourself out of any kind of interaction, because to your reasoning, a woman like that can’t possibly be single.
And unless you change your entire paradigm, you will also screw yourself over. You’re making assumptions and the internal process you’re involving her in is this: you’re making her guilty until proven innocent. In other words, you assume she is taken until someone or something proves otherwise. And you wait for that proof to arrive before you make your move.
Thus, you miss out on limitless opportunities.
I want to offer you a way to shift your thinking so that you don’t miss out on opportunities. I call this the “Innocent Until Proven Guilty” technique. From now on, every woman you see, regardless of any “clues” you may pick up on, automatically assume that she is single and looking to meet you. Not a guy like you, but you specifically.
Because otherwise, you will talk yourself out of it, and you could be missing out on something more awesome than you ever dreamed of. And so could she for that matter. You could be the coolest thing that ever happened to her. You don’t know. The point is to at least make the attempt. If it turns out she’s taken, you have lost nothing.
You have to stop making assumptions that limit you. That guy she’s with could be her brother or a good friend of hers. For all you know, her brother is secretly hoping she’ll meet somebody awesome like you anyways. But if you don’t have the balls to put yourself out there, you miss out by default. You forfeit the game by not showing up.
So show up. Give her the benefit of the doubt — assume she is single — until she proves otherwise. Never assume anything other than this, regardless of whatever signs, clues, or evidence you may think you see.
