Written by Dan Donche
Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
Companies spend millions of dollars every year on advertising. Other companies spend millions of dollars every year researching what types of advertising work best, what colors to use, what words to say, what packaging to use. They recognize the importance of packaging, and that’s what clothes are — the wrapper you use to advertise your most important asset — you.
The way you dress your ass matters. Ask anyone who conducts job interviews, classy women, salesmen, and judges. A man who gives a shit about himself goes a lot farther than one who doesn’t. Think about it — you don’t give a damn about yourself, chances are you won’t give a damn about other people. That’s the message you send.
Then there’s the guy who does care but doesn’t know his ass from a whole in the ground about fashion. This guy sends out a message too. These guys appear to be socially inept, or at least out of touch with what’s going on. This gives the impression that you’re likely to be out of touch with other things. My two cents on this is it’s okay if you’re doing it on purpose. Real men don’t give a damn about lots of things, and the secret to making this work with style is to know where the lines are before you color outside of them.
There seems to be a million rules to follow, which can be quite intimidating if you have no desire to educate yourself to that level. If you’re like me, you like to simplify things as much as possible. I have two simple rules I like to follow. I’m also going to tell you a third rule at the end. But for now, the first two rules:
1. Give a Damn
2. Don’t Give a Damn
Confused? Don’t be. I’ll explain them both so they’re crystal clear, then we’ll go over how to get started.
Rule Number One: Give a Damn
This entails taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself shows that you’re in control of your own life, that you are likely to give a damn about other things (your business deal, the company, the woman, etc.), and that you have some style about you. No matter what people say, you will be judged by others. While this is inevitable, and while you may find yourself not giving a damn (Rule #2) about what others think, you’re an idiot if you don’t at least take this into consideration. Don’t be the guy who blows a perfectly good opportunity because you can’t make a few easy alterations to handle a situation with finesse. Make a good impression, then let your colors fly. You can retain your sense of style and still make a good first impression. In fact, this is called tact. It’s what smart people do.
Rule Number Two: Don’t Give a Damn
It may seem counter-intuitive to not give a damn after I just told you to give a damn. But the essence of this rule lies in not giving a damn about what other people think after you make any decision regarding your own personal style. The hallmark of a true badass is doing things on your own terms, which means that the only critic you care about is you. While it’s smart to take other people’s advice into consideration, this does not mean you bend to the will of anyone, including so-called “experts” and fashionistas. Do what you want in regards to dressing yourself once you’ve put forth some effort to explore and package yourself as you see fit. Notice here that I said you should give a damn first — care about yourself enough to put your best self out there — then stick to your guns on your decision.
Finding a Style
It’s easy to find a style. You have to know what you want. You can’t direct yourself to a place if you don’t know the destination. Picking a style is as simple as answering the question, “What do I like?” A quick note on nay-saying: If you’re looking to do a major style overhaul, don’t talk yourself out of it. Don’t let someone else talk yourself out of it by saying, “That’s just not who you are.” Of course it’s not. Not at this moment. It will only be weird at first; once you become more accustomed to your new look, it WILL be who you are. So don’t let people hold you back.
Look around and find whatever strikes you. Go out on a limb and try something new, or do something you really like in a new way. I have a pair of Nike wrestling shoes I love wearing with jeans. They match every outfit I own, they’re the most comfortable shoes I have, and I like that they’re not cumbersome like hefty boots or large sneakers. I’m the only person I know who does this, and people ask about them all the time. Finding your own style is a matter of knowing what you like and making it work with the other things you like. Be versatile. Experiment and test your ingenuity. It should be enjoyable, otherwise you’re not really being true to yourself.
Pick a Model
Who dresses in a way that you really like? Finding someone who already wears what you’re going for is a great way to get started. Pick a friend or a celebrity and look at some of the clothes they wear. Do some digging and ask around where you might find clothes like that. Approach people who are wearing things you like and ask where they got them. If you have a friend who is in the know, enlist their help. Make them take you shopping. Example: I like the way Colin Farrel dresses. I can use the way he dresses as a starting point, and I’m always discovering places to get the items I like by keeping an eye out for things that are similar to what he wears.
Other Resources
- Magazines – Magazines are another great way to get ideas on style. Look to the mags that cater to the type of look you want. If you’re looking for high class, read GQ or something. If you want a decent mix of business and casual, go with something like Men’s Health. If you want a rock star look, find something for musicians. Magazines are good because they usually have a Where to Buy section in the back that directs you to where you can find the clothes you see.
- Websites - There’s tons of free information on the internet now, and you can find treasure troves of it specifically dedicated to exactly what you’re going for. Do a simple google search and find a few sites you like. One site I really like is Kinowear.com. It’s a simple blog with a lot of great info, and they have the extra benefit of forums and consultation services so you get help if you just ask. Try to find other forums so you can ask others questions and get extra help. This is especially true for those of you who might not know anyone who knows much about the style you’re going for.
- Women and Gay Men – It’s no secret that women and gay men place high value on fashion and style. It’s a wise man who enlists the help of those who are more conversent. They are also more likely to know what makes you look good than you or your friends are. Find a female or a gay friend to go shopping with you, and don’t rely too much on the people that work where you shop. They have a vested interest in their product or company.
Learn Some Basic Principles
Invest some time in learning the basic principles of style, the ones that cut across all genres. I’m talking about pant lengths, not wearing socks with sandals, how to tie a tie and what length it should be, matching your shoes and your belt. A really excellent book on timeless principles of men’s style is Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion, by Alan Flusser. If you’ve ever looked at photos from the Depression Era, it’s easy to see these timeless principles at work; the same rules in effect back then are still applicable and valid today.
Cost vs. Quality and Budgeting
It’s much better to spring for fewer high quality items than it is to buy a large quantity of low-quality apparel. Higher quality items tend to fit better and last longer. If you find that your budget isn’t conducive to such investing, find ways around it. Try on items at a place like Nordstrom’s so you know the exact size you need, then hit up Ebay or look for deals online. I once found a pair of $200 jeans for $50. Work on enhancing your wardrobe over time. Make an investment in yourself here, even if it means making a promise to yourself to buy just one item with each paycheck. Utilize clearance racks, outlet stores, and second-hand stores.
Final Rule: Timeless Trumps Trends
Trends come and go. You’ll waste a lot of time and money trying to keep up with them and unless you’re really good at it, you’ll probably fall behind or end up a fashion victim. At the very least, get business and dress wear that never goes out of style. It’s said that a single tailor-made tuxedo will last a man for life. That’s quality right there.
Closing Thoughts
Your style should highlight your personality and make it pop. Get apparel and accessories that are congruent with who you are. You don’t need to find only one style either, because you may end up changing tastes later on and you’ll have painted yourself into a corner by having to completely revamp your wardrobe. If you look at a lot of celebrities, you can see how their personal style is an amalgation of several styles. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain and create a unique look that you love, and don’t be afraid to stand out. It’s much better to stand out confidently than it is to be invisible comfortably.
